Introduction

Comments from Readers and Counselors

My Inspiration for the Manual

How Relationships Go Bad and What to Do

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My Inspiration for Writing the Manual

There’s nothing quite as challenging as marriage. It can satisfy and delight or confuse and frustrate, sometimes both within minutes. Marriage demands more of us than any other experience for which we are so poorly trained or equipped. It brings out our best as well as our worst. It is an arena where personal growth and interpersonal skills are essential if we wish to survive and thrive as partners.

Stop Unwanted Divorce or Rejection reflects the most important things I've learned both personally and professionally about marriage.

In particular, this manual was inspired by my own personal learning from 27 years of being married to an amazing woman with whom I share a wide range of similarities as well as a wide range of differences. The “marriage crucible” in which we have both loved and despised each other, struggled intensely to “improve” each other, frustrated and rejected each other, and ultimately accepted, loved, affirmed, and celebrated each other is by far the most profound personal learning and growing experience of my life.

I started the manual during the darkest times in our marriage and finished it during our very best times ever, and its principles were crucial in helping me “to stop making things worse and to start making them better.” As I worked on replacing my array of dark attitudes and bad habits, my wife’s natural sunshine began to shine through again like it did when we first met, and we are truly in love again.

I could have written this manual from the experiences I’ve had of witnessing courageous struggles and growth in couples and individuals I’ve counseled over the years, but I could not have written it with the same degree of conviction had I not applied the transforming power of its principles to my personal struggles, failures, and successes in my own marriage. I now know for certain through personal as well as professional experience that these principles work. When an individual is open and willing to learn and change by deeply hearing and understanding his or her spouse, by honestly self-examining, and by persistently working to change in mutually beneficial ways, relationships can indeed be profoundly transformed.

– Nathan Claunch

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